As a retirement success coach with a background in counseling and therapy, one of the things I've found myself doing over the years is collecting exercises that decrease depression and anxiety and increase happiness or feelings of well being.

A few years ago when Martin Seligman developed Positive Psychology and then wrote his book Authentic Happiness, I thought, "We've finally cracked through the practice of focusing on the negative stuff in peoples' lives, and now, we can also learn ways of increasing the good feelings and make them even better." My purpose in this article is to offer you one of many ways to increase your experience of happiness and/or your sense of well being.

Studies have shown that about 50% of happiness is genetic and about 10% is situational, but about 40% is really up to us as individuals. 40% may not be even half, but it is a big chunk. A 40% improvement is significant in anybody's statistical book.

We can't control everything that happens to us, but as Viktor Frankl told us in his book Man's Search for Meaning, we are in charge of how we think about what happens. We can write our own story, and that is what free will is all about.

The following are steps to writing your story to increase happiness:

1. Select a situation or occurrence in your life that when it happened you felt frustrated or angry or sad (some negative feeling). Don't pick a major event. You can work up to the major stuff.

I'll give you an example of my own. About two weeks ago I was at a warehouse picking up products, and I locked my keys in the car. I called my husband to come rescue me. He did. I was really angry with myself and dreaded my husband's comments about having to drive 20 miles to rescue me.

2. Tell your story from a negative perspective. I was 20 miles away, and locked my keys in the car. As soon as I did it, I realized what I had done, and I was so frustrated with myself. Also I realized I would have to call my husband to come rescue me. (He has an additional set of keys.) My husband has asked me on several occasions to lock the car after the door is closed by using the automatic key lock button on the car key. My habit is to push the lock button as I get out of the car. When I called him he said he would come right away, and I gave him directions. I picked up my products and had been waiting for him for a while when I realized I had given him the wrong directions. When I called him back he was wandering around trying to find me on the wrong street (not a happy camper). Understandably, he was irritated, I was defensive, and we didn't have a very pleasant exchange when he arrived.

3. Retell your story from a positive perspective. I locked my keys in the car and had to call my husband to drive 20 miles to rescue me. My wait was about 45 minutes, and I had the most interesting experience while waiting. My car was blocking one lane of a parking lot, and a young man drove up behind me. I explained that I couldn't move my car because I had locked the keys in it. He was very sympathetic, and I told him my husband was on his way to rescue me. He went in the building to pick up his order. (I had already picked up mine and had boxes sitting beside the car.) When he came back out, I saw he had a drink product I had not tried, and I asked him about it. He had not tried the drink product that I had purchased. We exchanged some drinks so we could each try something new, and then we had the most interesting conversation about where he was from in Africa.

4. Decide on your focus. Both of these stories are about the same incident--just a different focus. Which story would be more likely to increase happiness? It's your story, so you can focus on whatever part of it you want to. Yes, I will work on changing my habit of how I lock my car. At the same time, I have thought several times about the pleasant young man that I met because I locked my keys in the car.

5. Practice this technique, and you'll be delightfully surprised by how much you really are in charge of creating good feelings--even when there may be negative aspects to a situation. Sometimes it's a challenge to find the positive slant, but with practice you'll find you can do it.

6. Teach this technique to everyone you know, and you can honestly say you've had a little part in increasing the happiness in the world.